Shanghai IV

realised that i have been acting like a needy baby who just keep ranting about this and that.
argh.
i hate myself being like that.
but what more can i do about it?
i will just have to learn to live with it.
seriously, thanks anna to be there for me though i can be really stubborn. *laughs*
i will be in my turtle shell for the time-being till i settled with all my stupid emotions.
i have started sending my resume out.
and i am really hoping to get into apple.
the job description totally fits into mine and i am so willing to take up that challenge.
praying hard. =)

its 5 more days to xmas and this is the saddest part of the whole 2010.
i am in a foreign land and there is like nothing much i can do.
sigh.
will learn to deal with it.

i believe i can and get out of this damn turtle shell cos its kinda sucky too..

Shanghai III

over the weekends, we have had cleaned the fridge up and guess what i've found??
rotten chunks of meat and squid.
omg!!
they stink the whole fridge up alright.
seriously, the cleaning they do is really superficial.
they only cleaned areas whereby eyes can see and ignored those that can be hidden behind doors.
and i was told to TRUST them, trust the photos i see.
and i conclude that, this is so much TRUST i should have.

next, i had lunch and i found a DAMN BIG worm lah.
i almost puked can.
why on earth am i here?
pls let me know.

next, i dun think i like my job that much already.
no matter how much i know, how much i do, i still wouldnt be in anyways 'shinning'
in this case, why should i stay?
i believe i will be able to look for a better job out there.
i totally envy those people who love their job loads.
sigh.

Shanghai II

i'm getting used to the life here.
eating out or ordering delivery daily.
this sucks.
i'm thinking of preparing food on my own because the people here pack their own lunch.
i will have to do grocery shopping at the market or supermarket.
next, up on mind, where the hell is the market?
would i see jumping chicken slaughtered on the point?
would i see the fish out of gasping for air once out of the water?
all these are really scary.
but i will still have to get ingredients to cook.
will source for alternatives then.

i still sleep with my lights on.
super scary when i'm all alone in the big apartment.
anyway, the only thing i look forward to is SHOPPING.
hahha..
be it grocery or window. =D

Shanghai I

I'm currently in Shanghai. Yes, I'm not a tad bit excited over this stay and I will only be back home in like January. Super turn off.

Mummy, Prissy and Ben sent me to the airport and Mum had to pay like 225 bucks for my overweight baggage. LOl. Now i'm thinking like how am I going to get it back to SG when I'm back? B surprised me at the airport too. If only I have Ody with me at least.

I have never imagined I could like bring blanket, pillows and other stuff back to the apartment all alone but I did it. I totally looked like those aunties carrying all the bags on the hand trying to hard to push the door open. Yeah! Watch more Taiwanese Drama and you will understand what I'm referring to.

The corridor lights are all on motion sensor and it only lit up for like 30 secs? After that, it will be pitch dark!! Seriously, you would not be able to see a thing. Freaking scary at the start.

Next, my apartment is like situated in the middle of the other 2 and my room is just above the corridor. At night when I sleep, I always fear that someone is opening my door because the next door people are just so close to me. Its like only 3 steps away from my door left and right.

Lastly, the stuff here are not cheap in RMB unless you were to convert it to SGD. How can the local even afford such stuff? Which means, who would I be able to afford them because I'm on local terms. =(

Have posted some pictures in Facebook too. So just keep connected via FB. =)

P/S: Blogger, Twitter and FB are blocked in China.

Society

What is actually wrong with the youngers these days? Or I should say the society?
Someone got murdered just because of a staring incident? Raping cases?

Is Singapore still a safe place to stay in? I know that we shouldn't be complacent with the crime rates but should the education system change to cultivate the people to be more refine? Should the parents pay more attention to their children? Should the government provide more incentives so that the parents wouldnt have work that hard and neglect their children. In this case, birth rates might increase? I think we people should learn not to be rash and think of all the consequences before taking actions.

301st post

i have been missing in action. haha.
too busy with work already..
meetings and meetings, new process and implementation..
i'm really very tired of it already.
i havent been exercising too..
this means that i'm gaining loads of weight too..
sigh.

i'm one year older in October and i love my sugababes for the dinner and the very useful pressie!! =)
hearts you girls loads..
need to meet up with you before i fly.
and i'm really happy with my family too. =)
hearts the ladies in my family too..

as for my dudes, they are so so so disappointing lors!!
it's like whenever it's their bday i will make it a point to celebrate it for them but mine???
just a fb post.. -.-"
i know i shouldnt be calculative because they remembered but...
forget it lahs!!
men will always be men..

now, i have to pack my stuff and shop for items that i hadnt got.
i have yet prepare a checklist too..
save me from all these!! =x

work rants

seriously, i am really sick and tired of my job.
its like there is so much work to do and everyone in the office just seems to push it to my function.
i am starting to dread everything that i am doing because i am totally sandwiched in the middle.
one, my team in DHL is not even truthful to start of with.
we are paying them for 5 headcounts but only 4 headcount is working.
it is like so WTF right?!
the worst thing is that when i start to question them on this, they went like, she is still around, still working.
next, there is a process change and no one is being informed on the change.
now everyone is trying to push this away from there ownership and who gets the workload??
its me in the end.
its totally fucked up!!

Renewed Me

i realised that i have got you out of my life.
i have learnt to be really on my own that i no longer need you in my life.
i am able to live as well.
i have grown to be really sick and tired of what we used to go through.
i am a new me now!

Langkawi

me is back from the island of sun, sand and sea!!
though it is only a very very short trip out, i totally enjoyed myself. =)
cant really remember what we actually did there but it was really fun!!
First highlight of the trip is me being able to jet ski!!
I was a totally reckless driver and it feels great skiing around in the open sea.
Next was the Snake Sanctuary.
Had fun touching the snakes!
They are not slimy at all.
Lastly, was fined by the traffic police because I didnt fasten my seat belt..
and we actually managed to bribe the police officer instead..
this is how dark m'sia can be.

Family

Mum fell ill last week and I realised that she has no one who is willing to take care of her. Though mum is already an adult, I still think that someone in the family should take care of her. Have you forgotten about the care and love that Mum showered you when you were sick? Now, she is sick but none of you are there to take care of her, show her that little bit of concern. I am totally disappointed. She raised you up and provided everything that you need but in return she's being treated like this.

How will the family be like if I were to leave for a year? Seriously, the condition of everything will have to be determined by how much effort you are willing to put in.

Wish list

1. Watch (FCUK or Kenneth Cole)
2. Books
3. iPod nano
4. iPhone4 or iPad
5. DSLR (nikon)
6. Straw Hat

Nice Girl?

I'm really touched that my darling Ah Fang actually said that I'm a nice girl.
And she told me that a nice girl with good heart will have luck in finding the one right one.

I think there are really a lot of my past that loads others doesn't know about, like how rebellious I was, what are the things that I have actually done to others and myself too.
Events whereby I regretted terribly till now and will always be.
At times, I think being myself is so miserable because I seldom share with others the real dark me.
Life is a facade, no matter how dark my day is, I will try my best to hide it with a smile. =)
The lie that I said loads will be, "I'm fine."
But in actual fact, I'm not.. LOL!

Anyways, I'm just too jaded with LIFE so I'm no longer expecting as much like I do before.
Life still goes on, so live with what I have and be contented.

i'm back

after 12days of travelling in China, i'm finally back!
i miss home loads and my peeps too.
i have been really disconnected with the internet world for the whole time through and felt kinda lost.
what have the internet world turned me into?

as usual, travelling long distance on the coach made me think through life a lot.
and i have made up my mind to stop looking for love, stop hoping that being in love is like a fairytale.
it may seem like i am shutting myself up and reason is that i do not want to be hurt again.
i am happy with my life now and will not want to change it unless there is someone able to prove that he is really worthy.

weheartit

Bokeh II

Personally, i am just not sure why I have this thing for bokeh and i simply love it.
Randomly browsing deviantART and i found hope in these pictures.



This is his uploads to deviantart -> Antontang

true love

if one ever experienced true love, u will be able to accept the other party for whoever he or she is.
if one ever experienced true love, u will not want to hurt he or she with lies
if one ever experienced true love, u will love he or she wholeheartedly with all your breath and strength
but who ever did?

i did but i didnt get it back in return.

Shuo Huang

sunshine after the rain

after a hell of tears, i am feeling so much better.
and thanks so so so much Suga Anna, that's really sweet of you.
and thanks Son, for asking me out so as to keep my mind occupied.
I guess all of us have our own issues and just have to think of ways to curb with them and not allow it to affect us that much.
i guess exclusive love is what i want, but LOVE from everyone is a need!
so start showering everyone with love and they will shower u in return!
XOXO

你为什么说谎 - 丁当

这次我走开 再没有话要说出来
我不想再期待走下去 还能多精彩
我不了解你怎能心安
也捉不住你的倔强
可是我知道你 你为什么说谎

你说你还在 一分一秒也没走开
我想留在这里 可是这一切已太晚
我不能再像从前一样
为我们的明天疯狂
你不必解释 你为什么说谎

你不能说我没有爱过
说我没等过难过 我也想说
也许能重来我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失了爱
而我的泪 怎么就流下来

just when i needed you most

after so many years of living, i totally understand that the earth doesnt stop spinning just because you're down.
i presume this is the worst time of my life so far.
i hv lost my granny, and a guy that i loved left me.
it all happens so fast that i just realised how much these had affected me.
i am feeling lost and i do not know who to turn to for help.
i am still the one that does not reveal my true weak self.
i believe not many of my pals actually saw the very weak side of me.
the side that i broke down and cry my lungs out.
i have been living in a facade and i'm tired of this.
i wanna be happy and more positive, else the next suicide case might be me. lol..
not really sure who will be reading this but i am sure i'll be fine soon.
as soon as i have realised the purpose of me living. =)
till then...

i'm not so sure why am I feeling so down and confused.
i have actually finished reading a book, Buddha by Deepak Chopra.
thou it doesnt really illustrate the real journey of enlightenment, i felt so lost after reading it.
questions thrown to myself:
how can one be free from attachment?
what is filial piety?
with every birth there is death (karma) and how to break away from it?

think i will have to start thinking about it or i will turn to the dark side really soon.. lol.

MALIGNED

WHAT THE FUCK!!
Had a phone call early in the morning accusing me for what I have not done.
What a great start to the day!!
I have known you for a long period of time and I know what HONESTY means to you.
You on your end pointing fingers at me for no reason and expecting me to take something that I hadn't.
DEEM as you like!!
When I was with ya, I would have taken the blame for whatever even if I'm accused for something that I hadn't
But NOW, I'm myself and I have to stand by my name and I can totally prove that I'm CLEAR!!
Anyway, whatever...
To believe or not it's up to you..
I HAVE A CLEAR CONSCIENCE.
ACCUSE ALL YOU WANT!
NOW, I'M TELLING YOU I CANT BE BOTHERED!!

Uncertainties

Too many things had happened this week.
Life is never a bed of roses but even if it is, beware of the thorns lying underneath.
For almost the whole of May, I have been visiting hospital as much as me going to office.
Its saddening to see your loved ones weakening each day and finally, leaving you to close the whole chapter of misery.
Dad was like that, and now Granny.
Life is so filled with uncertainties but what is the only 2 certainties?
Birth and Death!
Once one is born, this is certain and everyone has to die too.
The thing that I've learnt is to cherish the ones beside you and show them more care and concern.

Granny's Discharged

She is finally back home with us.
Thou I can't help much in providing the care and need, I am trying my best to help in every ways.
Skipped the company event just to make sure that she is feeling alright.
Now, she is sleeping soundly in her air-con room.
That feels great because the weather is killing me!!
Totally feel like going out for a swim now..
Will bring Ben once he is back from school. =D

being vegetarian

whenever i'm vegetarian, friends around me will ask why.
is it because of religion or losing weight?
i would say its none of both.
and what is wrong with being vegetarian?
usually its only for a month.
i did not make a vow or wish therefore be vegetarian.
i would say that being vegetarian makes me happy and i'm liking that fact.
so stop judging me in anyways.

Ody Boy

This is just another post on this lil boyish dog named Ody.

It all started with me wanting a dog to keep me accompanied. Why? I have totally no idea. Then, Shaun brought me around to look for dogs and I always have a maltese or poodle in mind. A small little lap dog will be good. We searched high and low for the kind of dogs that we would want. Went on the internet, went to pet farms and almost all the pet shops around the area and found this pet shop with the words, "Puppies for SALE" somewhere at the shop front and we walked in to take a look.

The auntie showed us the puppies that she had and took them out for us to play with them. Then, this littlest puppy caught my attention. He was really hyper and ran to us for hugs, that totally win my heart over. After much discussion, we finally bought him. Shaun owned him for the first few days and had a very hard time sleeping as Ody is kept in the playpen alone, whining very loudly trying very hard to get the littlest attention he could. Thereafter, I brought him back home where he truly belongs to. The first headache I had was house-breaking him. He is really very hard to house break. Till today, he is still peeing everywhere around the house because his peeing area is dirty. faints.

Next major thing that happened was he poo with blood. It all started with non-stop diarrhea. Brought him to 3 different vets till his condition finally stablised. I changed his food from kibbles to barf secretly as Shaun will have loads to say if I were to tell him. And surprisingly, Ody got very much better after the change. The only bad was that I have to spend lesser and very much lesser on myself just to make sure he has the best. sighs.

After all the health saga, should start talking about his behaviour at home. He is really a tyrant at home even till now. Sent him to Waggie for training and he dread it. In turn, he failed his assessment and got a certificate of participation. laughs. Though he failed, I could see the drastic change of better behaviour at home, that is excluding the excessive barking. Then, I enrolled him for training with APAWS thinking that I should train him to be a therapy dog. The trainer told me that Ody can take up the competition level as there is not much of a difference and for the price that I am paying, its more worth it and so, I signed him in for competition class. In addition, Ody has this aggression problem that I can't seem to correct him, even till now though he is so so so much better now. I put in the effort to bring him for training every Saturday, missing out on loads of Saturday morning gatherings too. Finally, I took up the courage to sign him up for the SKC Obedience Trial after much thoughts. Jazz, the trainer, told me that Ody is ready and the only concern was which placing he will get. After so much drilling, he came in 4th placing. phew~ I have to thank Jazz for all the time, patience and guidance she had given.

He is turning 3 in May. Time flies. It seems as thou I just bought him from the pet shop not long ago. He brought us loads of joy and sorrows. He is my bestest friend who is always there for me despite me nagging and scolding him. I love him just as much as I love my family.

And lastly, to Ody boy... Happy Birthday!

Ody WON!!

I'm so happy with Ody's performance today!! =D
I wasn't expecting anything from him today judging from all the hiccups he used to give me on very important days.
Nevertheless, I didn't give up on him and continued training even till the very last minute.

1st, he refused to calm himself down before entering the ring.
2nd, he forgotten his auto-sit at the start of the trial.
3rd, he didn't do his recall perfectly.

I do have my mistakes too. =p
Me, being in the ring for the 1st time, was too nervous when he made mistakes.
I totally lost my mind when there was faults. sigh.
Will work harder on that.. =)

Photos and videos are up in my fb..

Work Rants!!

I'm so caught in the middle as I am to spare a thought for my boss and Ops.

My Ops have been hiding things from me, not sharing until the very last minute. In a way, I can feel the strain. I totally understand the fact that you guys will not want to have extra work in your workload but am I not trying? Do not instruct me with what you think I should be doing for you.

On the other hand, I would think that supporting to my boss's request is reasonable. It does not kill to do a little extra. In any case, we should give and take instead of rejecting everything. bah~

WORK IS SO SO SO SUCKY!! I WANT A CHANGE OF JOB!!

EMO freak

I've been so so so EMO these days..
When can my life be as cheerful as before??
I need a change.. I'm drowning..

Sometimes....

Many a times, guys just don't or never will understand this....

source: http://weheartit.com/entry/1932915

when I say I LOVE YOU

source: http://weheartit.com/entry/1927431

Just dun understand why.. sigh~

hearts mummy loads

i've been at home over the long weekend and realised how great my mum is. she is such a loving mother who cares and loves us despite e wrongs that we have done. she taught us loads and i really appreciate what she had done for us.

in fact, she stayed up late for the past few nights waiting for us to be home before she turn in for the day. i was with her watching tv programmes, accompanying her wait till she's tired. thou she always mention that her girls are old enough and she couldnt really be bothered with our lives, deep inside her, the worried worms still surface.

i remembered when i just broke up w Bear, i went out drinking alot, practically stopped eating for a month or so and she got really worried. she kept bringing me out even to wet market just to make sure i'm alright. she tried cooking food that i like so that i would start eating again. she is just so wonderful! she is always be there to shelter me thru the storms.

mummy, i love u loads! :)

Back

I'm back from my getaway trip, Taiwan!! =)
I'm so exhausted from the trip. Had been moving around in the tour bus from point to point and waking up at 5ish throughout the whole trip is horrendous. Nevertheless, I've enjoyed myself. Will skip the day to day itinerary.

As usual, after checking into the hotel in the night, B and I went out for supper though we were both so so bloody filled up. We sat at this dessert stall eating our dessert and some roadside stall food, and this medium-sized stray came out from nowhere came to our table and started staring at B with his very very big and watery eyes, begging for food.. Initially, both of us kinda ignored it but it just kept staring at B and its persistence really paid off.

The later few days were really cold!! Temperature dropped from 20 odd to 10 odd and the wind was blowing 'non-stop'. Walking out on the streets in the evening can kill cos we didn't expect the drastic change in temperature. Despite us freezing, we refuse to buy a thicker coat at the night market. Yes, we both are just too stubborn. Worst of all, we challenged each other to eat ice-cream in such condition. LOl..

Hot spring was great minus the CHEENAS that were really really a turn off. The smell of sulphur from the hot spring is still manageable and i took a dip in the pool where the temperature was 42 degrees celsius.. It feels totally awesome after soaking myself in the water..

Shopping was fun!! Though I didnt really buy much back due to them selling mostly winter apparels, being able to eat and shop at the same time is really really great! Why cant spore just be like them?

I'm really hungry NOW!! Thinking of the chicken cutlet!! slurps...

Bokeh

I'm am so in love with BOKEH ever since I saw Dave took the X.X photo for Adil when we were out for some photography sometime during xmas09. Have been trying it out with my own little camera and I've been really hooked on it. Though I have yet take a really nice one, I will try it out over and over again till i get it!! Persistence is needed in photography!! And I really need to rush up on my lousy skills too! ):

Here are 2 nice shots that I hearts...


source:diyhappy.com


source: deviantart.com


source: deviantart.com


source: deviantart.com


source: deviantart.com

Naive Love

source: http://weheartit.com/entry/1688449

Love can be that naive and pure to children.
If only in the 'adult' world it can be the same... it'll be really pretty..
But it only happens in fairytale. =(

Breathing Exercise

Met a really interesting guy on the bus today.
He's an indian, tall and middle aged.
First, he took his counter out and started clicking it. I presume that he is chanting some chant in his heart.
Next, he started doing some breathing exercise which i learnt from taking up yoga. LOL.. At that point of time, I had the urge to do it together with him. But, after much thoughts, I think it will be really funny so I didn't and I wasn't feeling that good too.

Went kayaking on Sunday. It was really tiring! It has been ages since I last did that and I totally enjoyed myself. Whee! I'm so looking forward to more outdoor activities.. La, Pris, Gladys and YY, when are we going for ours??

Regardless of Race, Language or Religion

Seriously, me as a Buddhist, after watching the video, I kinda think that they seriously know nothing about Buddhism, where Karma is just a part of it. And, Karma exist.. It is the cause and effect of an action and decision, be it a good or bad. No matter what happened in your previous life, forget it. Just live to your life fullest NOW! Do good and be Happy! =)

Each of us have the choice to believe in what we want to but that doesn't mean that one can laugh about other religions. I think it is a form of courtesy to respect the various religions. From what I believe, all religions are teaching us to be good in order to be in Heaven. So, just be good.. As for the Pastor, I think he has to learn to face with all the criticism and not leave. In no time, this saga will be over. =)

Boo~

How I behave in a relationship is how much you mean to me.
Do not tell me what I can do, what I can't.
Do not restrict me when I have already laid my R&R that clear.
I think I am just not ready for one.. =p

Jog to Labrador Park

I started jogging with my colleagues after work. I enjoyed it a lot though the jog was to be own time own target and the SUPER STEEP SLOPE to the park is a KILLER!!
Nevertheless, after all these hardwork, I was able to catch a glimpse of sunset and was thrilled by that sight. =)