First Love?

Impromptu thought that came to my mind.

These days, do you still see or hear friends or people around you saying that he is my first love and I am his too, and we are getting married.
This may sound so cliche but I have seen and encountered people like this.
I really envy them as they are really contented with what they have and of course, know that that is the right one before proceeding into a relationship.
They might not even know how does it feel being heartbroken.

As for those who have been in and out of a relationship, like me, they became really jaded, or is it only me?
I find that after each relationship, you will learn to understand yourself more and see more flaws of a man.
Flaws that can be really destructive in a way.
I have been really afraid of my partner lying and feeling really insecure no matter what.
In turn, I have learnt to live in delusion and not want to bother about what is more than me and him as I have the perspective whereby the more I know, the more I will hurt.
There are just too many things deep down in me that I have not mentioned to anyone.
So much that I find it really hard to continue in a relationship.
So much that caused loads of quarrels and unhappy moments.
So much that I draw a wall between both.
So much that I do not think that going into a relationship is a right choice in any circumstances.
I totally understand that fairytale stories are never true after so many heartbreaks.
But I do believe that true love exists, perhaps just not for me. =)