Shanghai IV

realised that i have been acting like a needy baby who just keep ranting about this and that.
argh.
i hate myself being like that.
but what more can i do about it?
i will just have to learn to live with it.
seriously, thanks anna to be there for me though i can be really stubborn. *laughs*
i will be in my turtle shell for the time-being till i settled with all my stupid emotions.
i have started sending my resume out.
and i am really hoping to get into apple.
the job description totally fits into mine and i am so willing to take up that challenge.
praying hard. =)

its 5 more days to xmas and this is the saddest part of the whole 2010.
i am in a foreign land and there is like nothing much i can do.
sigh.
will learn to deal with it.

i believe i can and get out of this damn turtle shell cos its kinda sucky too..

Shanghai III

over the weekends, we have had cleaned the fridge up and guess what i've found??
rotten chunks of meat and squid.
omg!!
they stink the whole fridge up alright.
seriously, the cleaning they do is really superficial.
they only cleaned areas whereby eyes can see and ignored those that can be hidden behind doors.
and i was told to TRUST them, trust the photos i see.
and i conclude that, this is so much TRUST i should have.

next, i had lunch and i found a DAMN BIG worm lah.
i almost puked can.
why on earth am i here?
pls let me know.

next, i dun think i like my job that much already.
no matter how much i know, how much i do, i still wouldnt be in anyways 'shinning'
in this case, why should i stay?
i believe i will be able to look for a better job out there.
i totally envy those people who love their job loads.
sigh.

Shanghai II

i'm getting used to the life here.
eating out or ordering delivery daily.
this sucks.
i'm thinking of preparing food on my own because the people here pack their own lunch.
i will have to do grocery shopping at the market or supermarket.
next, up on mind, where the hell is the market?
would i see jumping chicken slaughtered on the point?
would i see the fish out of gasping for air once out of the water?
all these are really scary.
but i will still have to get ingredients to cook.
will source for alternatives then.

i still sleep with my lights on.
super scary when i'm all alone in the big apartment.
anyway, the only thing i look forward to is SHOPPING.
hahha..
be it grocery or window. =D

Shanghai I

I'm currently in Shanghai. Yes, I'm not a tad bit excited over this stay and I will only be back home in like January. Super turn off.

Mummy, Prissy and Ben sent me to the airport and Mum had to pay like 225 bucks for my overweight baggage. LOl. Now i'm thinking like how am I going to get it back to SG when I'm back? B surprised me at the airport too. If only I have Ody with me at least.

I have never imagined I could like bring blanket, pillows and other stuff back to the apartment all alone but I did it. I totally looked like those aunties carrying all the bags on the hand trying to hard to push the door open. Yeah! Watch more Taiwanese Drama and you will understand what I'm referring to.

The corridor lights are all on motion sensor and it only lit up for like 30 secs? After that, it will be pitch dark!! Seriously, you would not be able to see a thing. Freaking scary at the start.

Next, my apartment is like situated in the middle of the other 2 and my room is just above the corridor. At night when I sleep, I always fear that someone is opening my door because the next door people are just so close to me. Its like only 3 steps away from my door left and right.

Lastly, the stuff here are not cheap in RMB unless you were to convert it to SGD. How can the local even afford such stuff? Which means, who would I be able to afford them because I'm on local terms. =(

Have posted some pictures in Facebook too. So just keep connected via FB. =)

P/S: Blogger, Twitter and FB are blocked in China.

301st post

i have been missing in action. haha.
too busy with work already..
meetings and meetings, new process and implementation..
i'm really very tired of it already.
i havent been exercising too..
this means that i'm gaining loads of weight too..
sigh.

i'm one year older in October and i love my sugababes for the dinner and the very useful pressie!! =)
hearts you girls loads..
need to meet up with you before i fly.
and i'm really happy with my family too. =)
hearts the ladies in my family too..

as for my dudes, they are so so so disappointing lors!!
it's like whenever it's their bday i will make it a point to celebrate it for them but mine???
just a fb post.. -.-"
i know i shouldnt be calculative because they remembered but...
forget it lahs!!
men will always be men..

now, i have to pack my stuff and shop for items that i hadnt got.
i have yet prepare a checklist too..
save me from all these!! =x

work rants

seriously, i am really sick and tired of my job.
its like there is so much work to do and everyone in the office just seems to push it to my function.
i am starting to dread everything that i am doing because i am totally sandwiched in the middle.
one, my team in DHL is not even truthful to start of with.
we are paying them for 5 headcounts but only 4 headcount is working.
it is like so WTF right?!
the worst thing is that when i start to question them on this, they went like, she is still around, still working.
next, there is a process change and no one is being informed on the change.
now everyone is trying to push this away from there ownership and who gets the workload??
its me in the end.
its totally fucked up!!

Renewed Me

i realised that i have got you out of my life.
i have learnt to be really on my own that i no longer need you in my life.
i am able to live as well.
i have grown to be really sick and tired of what we used to go through.
i am a new me now!

Family

Mum fell ill last week and I realised that she has no one who is willing to take care of her. Though mum is already an adult, I still think that someone in the family should take care of her. Have you forgotten about the care and love that Mum showered you when you were sick? Now, she is sick but none of you are there to take care of her, show her that little bit of concern. I am totally disappointed. She raised you up and provided everything that you need but in return she's being treated like this.

How will the family be like if I were to leave for a year? Seriously, the condition of everything will have to be determined by how much effort you are willing to put in.

Nice Girl?

I'm really touched that my darling Ah Fang actually said that I'm a nice girl.
And she told me that a nice girl with good heart will have luck in finding the one right one.

I think there are really a lot of my past that loads others doesn't know about, like how rebellious I was, what are the things that I have actually done to others and myself too.
Events whereby I regretted terribly till now and will always be.
At times, I think being myself is so miserable because I seldom share with others the real dark me.
Life is a facade, no matter how dark my day is, I will try my best to hide it with a smile. =)
The lie that I said loads will be, "I'm fine."
But in actual fact, I'm not.. LOL!

Anyways, I'm just too jaded with LIFE so I'm no longer expecting as much like I do before.
Life still goes on, so live with what I have and be contented.

i'm back

after 12days of travelling in China, i'm finally back!
i miss home loads and my peeps too.
i have been really disconnected with the internet world for the whole time through and felt kinda lost.
what have the internet world turned me into?

as usual, travelling long distance on the coach made me think through life a lot.
and i have made up my mind to stop looking for love, stop hoping that being in love is like a fairytale.
it may seem like i am shutting myself up and reason is that i do not want to be hurt again.
i am happy with my life now and will not want to change it unless there is someone able to prove that he is really worthy.

weheartit

sunshine after the rain

after a hell of tears, i am feeling so much better.
and thanks so so so much Suga Anna, that's really sweet of you.
and thanks Son, for asking me out so as to keep my mind occupied.
I guess all of us have our own issues and just have to think of ways to curb with them and not allow it to affect us that much.
i guess exclusive love is what i want, but LOVE from everyone is a need!
so start showering everyone with love and they will shower u in return!
XOXO

just when i needed you most

after so many years of living, i totally understand that the earth doesnt stop spinning just because you're down.
i presume this is the worst time of my life so far.
i hv lost my granny, and a guy that i loved left me.
it all happens so fast that i just realised how much these had affected me.
i am feeling lost and i do not know who to turn to for help.
i am still the one that does not reveal my true weak self.
i believe not many of my pals actually saw the very weak side of me.
the side that i broke down and cry my lungs out.
i have been living in a facade and i'm tired of this.
i wanna be happy and more positive, else the next suicide case might be me. lol..
not really sure who will be reading this but i am sure i'll be fine soon.
as soon as i have realised the purpose of me living. =)
till then...

i'm not so sure why am I feeling so down and confused.
i have actually finished reading a book, Buddha by Deepak Chopra.
thou it doesnt really illustrate the real journey of enlightenment, i felt so lost after reading it.
questions thrown to myself:
how can one be free from attachment?
what is filial piety?
with every birth there is death (karma) and how to break away from it?

think i will have to start thinking about it or i will turn to the dark side really soon.. lol.

Uncertainties

Too many things had happened this week.
Life is never a bed of roses but even if it is, beware of the thorns lying underneath.
For almost the whole of May, I have been visiting hospital as much as me going to office.
Its saddening to see your loved ones weakening each day and finally, leaving you to close the whole chapter of misery.
Dad was like that, and now Granny.
Life is so filled with uncertainties but what is the only 2 certainties?
Birth and Death!
Once one is born, this is certain and everyone has to die too.
The thing that I've learnt is to cherish the ones beside you and show them more care and concern.

Granny's Discharged

She is finally back home with us.
Thou I can't help much in providing the care and need, I am trying my best to help in every ways.
Skipped the company event just to make sure that she is feeling alright.
Now, she is sleeping soundly in her air-con room.
That feels great because the weather is killing me!!
Totally feel like going out for a swim now..
Will bring Ben once he is back from school. =D

Work Rants!!

I'm so caught in the middle as I am to spare a thought for my boss and Ops.

My Ops have been hiding things from me, not sharing until the very last minute. In a way, I can feel the strain. I totally understand the fact that you guys will not want to have extra work in your workload but am I not trying? Do not instruct me with what you think I should be doing for you.

On the other hand, I would think that supporting to my boss's request is reasonable. It does not kill to do a little extra. In any case, we should give and take instead of rejecting everything. bah~

WORK IS SO SO SO SUCKY!! I WANT A CHANGE OF JOB!!

Breathing Exercise

Met a really interesting guy on the bus today.
He's an indian, tall and middle aged.
First, he took his counter out and started clicking it. I presume that he is chanting some chant in his heart.
Next, he started doing some breathing exercise which i learnt from taking up yoga. LOL.. At that point of time, I had the urge to do it together with him. But, after much thoughts, I think it will be really funny so I didn't and I wasn't feeling that good too.

Went kayaking on Sunday. It was really tiring! It has been ages since I last did that and I totally enjoyed myself. Whee! I'm so looking forward to more outdoor activities.. La, Pris, Gladys and YY, when are we going for ours??

Regardless of Race, Language or Religion

Seriously, me as a Buddhist, after watching the video, I kinda think that they seriously know nothing about Buddhism, where Karma is just a part of it. And, Karma exist.. It is the cause and effect of an action and decision, be it a good or bad. No matter what happened in your previous life, forget it. Just live to your life fullest NOW! Do good and be Happy! =)

Each of us have the choice to believe in what we want to but that doesn't mean that one can laugh about other religions. I think it is a form of courtesy to respect the various religions. From what I believe, all religions are teaching us to be good in order to be in Heaven. So, just be good.. As for the Pastor, I think he has to learn to face with all the criticism and not leave. In no time, this saga will be over. =)

Broadway Beng

Watched Broadway Beng at the Esplanade.
I have to declare that I finally got to watch this musical with my friends.
Always wanted to watch it with Shaun but the day never come.
I totally enjoyed the musical and the proposal was really something so fairytale, so sweet that every girl will say yes to it.

Not sure why these days I'm feeling odd.
Like the fireworks at Vivo, it just feels so whimsical.
It might be due to the ignorance of the fireworks display on that day.
In the past, I used to watch fireworks display knowing the details and have never really appreciated the effort of getting myself there with someone that I loved.
Was standing really close to the firing platform and the feeling was completely different.
I teared while watching it, thinking of the past. =(

Sad memories are the worst things in my life but I just can't seem to get rid of it.
Worst of all, sad memories are the ones that hit most and happy ones are always forgotten very quickly.
Will just have to load myself with loads of happy memories that I can keep and remember forever.